God is faithful

To be quite honest. These past two months have not been fun. I got the news that my kidneys were not doing well and that they were failing to the point of going down to 35% function. I can't explain the pain I was in each night, keeping me awake to the point of exhaustion. My blood pressure was in the sky and my anxiety was making a home. Doctors appointments were making me lose hope. Probably because my specialist had the most terrifying accent you have ever heard.

I spent most of my time not believing any of this. I didn't understand why any of this was happening. I work at a church, I have a christian girlfriend, I helped the woman at wal-mart carry her wheelchair. I spent a lot of time mad at God about this.

But it was in this moment where I cried out the most, begging God, Laying in bed, in terrible pain. I threw up my arms and just yelled at God in prayer to help me. Looking at the roof I noticed light shining through my sliding glass door hitting my blinds to create perfect shadows. I looked where the light was shining and it was on my door. The light hitting my blinds cast a light on my door in the shape of a perfect cross. I hate gooey stories, because I don't believe them. But I couldnt avoid this one. I knew God was in that room with me.

I imagined the story of Jesus on the ocean with his men. I was the Guy on the ship yelling at Jesus to wake his crazy self up and do something about my storm in my life. The Lord gave me that cross that night. It was no one elses but mine, atleast it felt like that, and calmed my ocean. I felt His presence, I knew he was guiding me to know that He was in control, and my worrying is only doubt in His great plan.

A few weeks later on a Friday's doctor appointment, I got some news. The doctor looked at my labs and said I was completely fine. My pain was nearly all gone, and it didn't make sense, but it made perfect sense at the same time. I walked outside that office and got and my knees and thanked My God. I told everyone, family friends, everyone.

Sometimes the Lord will take your plane down from 30,000 ft. and scrape the belly of the plane just to get your attention. He will tell you don't worry, and that he will bring you back up, but that He needs to spend some time with you while He has your undivided attention.

I've learned so many things while I was down. And I will never forget these principles as I go back up. It's funny to worry. We reach for pieces of grass as we fall off of a cliff thinking it will save us. I just needed to put my trust in God. And even in my times of great doubt, was when he was still faithful and healed me. And because of that, I am a new man today.